Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I'm moving....

I'm saying goodbye to Blogger.com and moving over to Wordpress.  You can follow me at:

http://unsettledme.wordpress.com/

Monday, December 17, 2012

Thank you...

Due to my overwhelming exhaustion last night, I cut my blog fairly short.  I had so much I wanted to say, but my eyes wouldn't stay open.  I actually fell asleep with my hands on the keyboard.  I did, however, get the best sleep I've had in months.  Something about two hard days of riding, a happy heart and of course, an Ambien, makes one sleep like a boss.

When I think back to those two years in Boone when I owned a road bike, I laugh.  Just because you wear spandex and ride around with a bike on your car, doesn't mean you're a "cyclist".  I had no motivation, lacked heart and wanted to be able to keep up without putting in the work.  I sold my bike when I moved to Mammoth and cycling became a distant memory. 

I have spent the last 5 months pedaling my heart out.  I have smiled with pride and cried in utter disappointment.  I have puked, nearly fainted and crashed my brains out in an attempt to better myself.  Some people ask, "Why do you put yourself through so much misery for a bike?"  It's hard to explain, but it just feels so right. 

I would have never been able to start this journey on my own.  So, I want to take a moment to thank a few of you who have lit a fire under my ass this year. 

Brian Archer.  My brother.  You've been doing this for 20+ years and your wisdom is so helpful.  Thank you for building my bike, taking me on "Epic Death Rides" and lifting my spirits when I'm broken and discouraged.  Mom would be so proud of us both this year.

Jamie Williams.  My sweet friend.  You have stuck by me through everything...good and bad.  You've never judged me and always understood my heart.  You are a class act and I'm lucky to have our friendship.  Thank you for pushing me to race 'cross.  I've fallen in love and can't imagine my life without it.  You inspire me daily.

Kim Bishop.  You took a chance on me and allowed me to be a part of a great group of ladies.  I never thought I'd be so passionate about anything other than snowboarding....this is it.  Thank you for guiding me, supporting me and giving me opportunities I wouldn't get otherwise.  I look forward to to hearing your voice again soon... "Last lap Megan! You gotta give it all you got, NOW!"

Dwayne Letterman.  Without you and MSG, I wouldn't be here.  Thanks for taking it on for another year and putting up with my crazy butt.  Your passion for cycling is inspiring.  You're doing a great thing with the college team and I look forward to watching them grow.  Thanks for all the tips and motivation this year.  Next year, I'll kick some ass!

Jordan Lewis and Grace Bishop.  You guys rock my world!  I've been honored to be a part of your lives.  You both have so much heart and I expect big things from each of you.  I'm serious when I say, you WILL go somewhere in this sport.  Just keep your head up, eyes focused and always remember where you came from.  Never expect anything to be given to you on a silver platter.  Expect to fail sometimes.  Expect to hurt.  Expect people to take advantage of you.  Never give up.  Eyes on the prize, kiddos.  You've got this.

Connor and Nolan Tankersley.  You guys have cracked me up all season.  It's been a pleasure watching you guys race.  Stay strong in heart and mind.  Keep working for what you want.  I can't wait to see you guys race road next year.

Aaron Casey.  Thank you for helping me get stronger.  Hard work pays off.  I see so much potential and I will get there.  Also, the "tough love heckling" motivates me.  It also makes me wanna punch you in the neck.  Love ya ;)

Larry Bishop and Jimmy Bennett.  You guys have been my 'pit bitches' all season.  Thank you.  I'm such a junk show before my race and it's nice to have people taking care of you when your head (and stomach) are spinning like a top.  I love ya both like family and can't wait to get really awesome and make y'all proud!

Autumn Lewis.  My peer, but also my 'race mama'.  You're a beautiful soul, lil lady.  Thank you for being my friend and my voice of reason when I'm having a meltdown.  You put things in perspective when I can't.  Sorry I cried like a bitch on your shoulder yesterday.  Racing makes me emotional.  I can't wait till Nationals and Worlds.  You're the best ;)

To all the people I've made friendships with this year...thank you.  It's been a tough couple of years back in the South and I desperately needed to find my niche.  I look forward to seeing each of you at future events and spending quality time heckling everyone we see.  It's been a blast, kids.  Wisco and Louisville, here we come!

If you're not specifically on this list, don't take it personal.  There are so many more people to thank and ALL OF YOU have played a part in this year being one of the best yet.  I'm blessed and fortunate to have such a great CX family and I know it's only going to get better.  Thank you for the cheers, the heckling (I deserved every bit of it) and the love.  You all make me ride harder when I don't want to.  You motivate me to be a better cyclist.  You fill my heart with love.  Thank you for accepting me for who I am and realizing there's more to me than a megaphone and fairy wings.  I'm forever grateful. 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

You can't teach heart

Exhausted.  I am utterly exhausted.  My quads are aching, arms burning and head pounding.  The only thing working correctly in this broken body is my heart.  It continues to be filled, more and more each day, in spite of those who try to break it into tiny little pieces.  My heart may be battered and scarred...but it's full.  You can't take that away from me.
 
I'm a feeler.  I feel things.  I feel for others.  I feel hardcore.  I might act like a total hard ass, but what you can't see is the truth.  My heart secretly sits on my sleeve.  It's a curse...and a superior blessing.  When other's feel, I feel it too. 
 
After today's race (day 2 of the NCGP in Hendersonville, NC) I had a meltdown.  I hammered through the finish and made my move off the course.  I used my cool down as a moment to gather my thoughts, catch my breath and do a little crying.  Yeah, I know...big surprise.
 
It wasn't the race I had hoped for.  I'm not actually sure what I expected after an all-out smash fest on Saturday, combined with over an hour of clinic work.  Doesn't matter.  My heart always wants more than my legs can give it.  I'm always falling short of what I know I can accomplish.  So I pedaled in the parking lot, far away from the crowds, and cried my eyes out. 
 
I couldn't hang on to anyone today.  Not even my own teammate.  I would pass multiple chicks in the turns, run-ups and whiz by them in the woods.  They would always catch me in the flats.  As a friend lovingly joked, "You mean they passed you where you actually had to pedal?".  Funny, but true.  Even yesterday was a better race in terms of how I felt.  It's ironic because I moved up one position today.  24/31.  Not the top 50% I had hoped for on either day.  Aaahhh, so is life.
 
As I was coming back to our pit area from my epic meltdown, I ran into Grace.  This 11 year-old is a serious, serious beast on a bicycle.  She is going to be something special, and actually, already is.  She consistently beats me every single race...it's all I can do to keep her in my sight.  Apparently, she had been bullied around by a junior boy in front of her.  She felt her effort lacked something and this upset her. 
 
As she was explaining this to me in tears, I started crying again.  I was right there with her.  I understood her heart and could sympathize with her desire to be competitive.  Being young is hard.  Being a young athlete, in my opinion, is harder.  It's difficult to make sense of the bad days.  I explained how this was a great learning experience for her and next time she'll be in a different mindset. 
 
"Take away everything that happened to you today.  Just you on the course...no one else.  Do you think you rode as hard as you could?  Do you think in spite of all the bad things going on around you, you gave your very best effort?"  Grace answered, "Yeah". 
 
That's all you can ask for, isn't it?
 
Children are all HEART.  They lack the hard wiring to be thinkers.  So in a sense, young athletes are organic.  With the exception of a very few, these kids haven't been tainted.  It's pure love.
 
As for me, I'm still working on it.  Luckily, I've found a handful of people who really understand me and that's comforting.  The world is a scary place when you feel like you're all alone.  As for my bike racing, I'm still working on it.  I have potential.  I may never be on an elite podium, but I can bet your ass I will be taking some chicks to the tape in the near future.
 
 
Little "Gracie" way back in the day with my nephew, Nathan.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Keeping it Alive...

We often forget about those things which give our lives meaning.  We concentrate too hard on the quantity and not so much on our quality of living.  Luckily, we have moments of clarity and beautiful people to bring those moments into greater focus. 
 
Being someone who is 95% heart and 5% head, I can appreciate those with similar characteristics.  I have been an athlete since I was 5 years-old (I'm 32. Do the math) and know game of competition very well.  Even now, old and washed up, I feel it like a fire burning in my blood.  So, when I see kids giving everything they have, it moves me.  I wear the 95% on my sleeve.
 
I watched my 14 year-old teammate, Jordan, race his first 1/2 race this past weekend.  This kid has moved from a cat 4 to a cat 2 in one season.  He's got the stuff, yo.  He has a legit, heart-felt love for the sport of cycling and you can see it in his eyes.  He's a pretty happy-go-lucky kid too...his cup is always "full". 
 
Talk about leaving it all on the course!  If you grown men had half the heart this kid does, you still wouldn't be as awesome as him.  It's amazing to watch.  He races because it makes HIM happy.  He trains because HE knows you can't sit on your butt and expect success to fall in your lap.  He's respectful of what he's been given and doesn't posses a sense of entitlement.  I hate to sound old and like my mother, but kids these days expect the world to be given to them on a silver platter.  Blasphemy.
 
Jordan makes me want to be a better cyclist.  He makes me want to be a better person.  This kid reminds me you can be serious AND have fun.  Watching him race nearly moves me to tears because...I get it.  In a world full of bullshit and lies, it's a beautiful thing to see so much spirit in someone so young.  When your spirit is gone, you've lost everything.
 
 
 
So thank you, Jordan Lewis. Thank you for restoring my faith in the younger generation.  Thank you for motivating me to work harder on the bike.  Thank you for allowing me to be one of your biggest fans (besides your mother, of course!).  I wish you nothing but joy in cycling and look forward to being a part of your fan club at Nationals next month. 
 
Gut check moment...what are YOU riding for?

A Case of the Mondays...on Tuesday.

Today hasn't been the best of days.  Not sure if my emotional state is due to the lack of sleep from two nights ago OR the surplus of sleep I received last night.  Whatever the cause, this roller coaster has taken a nose dive.  It was all I could do to start my workout this afternoon, with the hope I would pedal my way out of this hole.  Didn't work. 
 
Although I seem like I have it together, neatly arranged in my little box, I really don't.  Every single day I have spent back in Tennessee has been a struggle.  Some days easier than others.  While I have made a temporary life for myself, ultimately this is not where I want to be. 
 
I feel like I can't breathe.  This house smothers me.  I love my family with everything inside me, but being in a house with them makes me lose my mind.  I can't get a moment of peace.  Ever.  Enough is enough.
 
Today has been an emotional challenge as well as a physical one.  I just want to pull the covers over my head and tune it all out.  Leave me alone, world.  I don't feel like playing today. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Take 'em to the tape


"So, I think I'm gonna race 'cross this year."  Those were the words I can remember saying with such excitement.  I was awesome at traditional sports growing up and had no doubts I would be good at cyclcocross.  I gave running a try, ran a half marathon and decided the pain in my IT band just wasn't worth it.  I really had nothing else, other than my mountain bike, and being an athletic "has been" wasn't my favorite choice.  Getting old sucks...let's face it.  I needed a little competition in my life. 
 
I bought my mountain bike in April.  My brother built the Surly in May.  I got as many rides in as I could.  I rode a 25+ lb steel frame bike with a standard and Shimano 105.  I went on every road ride I could, sucking wind and lagging behind.  Thursday night rides up Buffalo Mountain nearly stopped my heart.  At the end of the summer I road nearly 70 miles with 4,000 ft of climbing on that beast.  Steel might be real, but it hurts like a bitch. 
 
The guys asked me to come work at the shop in August.  Trevor was nice enough to put me on his Stevens Prestige 'cross bike since he wasn't riding it.  The MSG series kicked off in September.  I totally thought I had this.  I was SO wrong.
 
I had no idea what I was doing.  My dismounts sucked.  My remounts sucked.  I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't pedal.  I always got the hole shot but couldn't stay up front.  I was a one-lap-wonder.  I wanted to quit.  Race after race...I died.  "When am I going to get better at this shit?!"
 
I hired a coach.  I raced Cincy3 and the USGP in Louisville.  They changed me.  I started getting better.  I busted ass during the week so I could produce something other than a disappointment on the weekends.  I got a Garmin.  I produced data.  I rode the shit out of the trainer.  I got my ass handed to me a little more.  Then....BOOM.
 
I got faster.  I got stronger.  I beat chicks that smashed me earlier in the season.  I rode sand pits without getting off my bike.  I rode nasty, muddy slop that I once could only ride on my mountain bike.  I used tactics and passed people when it mattered.  I suffered for the cause. 
 
Last weekend was huge for me, placing 16 out of 27 ladies at the NC State Championships.  NC brings the heat, no matter what category, and I was super stoked to finish mid-pack.  Mars Hill absolutely kicked my ass the day before. 
Spiral of Death at MSG finale.  Unicoi, TN.
 
MSG held the series finale today in Unicoi, TN.  I have statistically raced poorly here in past races.  My motor always seemed to fail me.  Today I just wanted to keep my 2nd place spot in series points.  That was my ONLY goal.  Let's just say I surpassed it.  From hole shots to log hops, I killed myself today.  I kept my series position and walked away with a smile on my face...after I puked, of course. 
 

CX 4 Series podium.  Grace Bishop, 1st.  Megan Archer, 2nd.  Jenna Carico, 3rd.
 
 
Training...it pays off, kids.  I've watched my body transform into something I don't even recognize anymore.  I'm a cyclist.  This is something I've actually had to work my ass off for.  For once in my life, I had to rely on my desire to work hard with no natural talent.  Cyclocross wasn't something I could just hop on a bike and be good at. 
 
As I lay here utterly exhausted, I can honestly say I left everything I had on the course today.  I'm inspired.  I'm hopeful.  Most of all, I'm thankful for a body that allows me to do such great things.  So, hello Cat 3.  I welcome you with open arms.  I will kill myself all summer to be good at you.  I'm a sucker for the glory that comes with being better than myself.


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Planning for Change

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?  I remember being in my early 20s and someone asked me this in a job interview.  I was such an epic shit show back then.  I'm still a train wreck, but a much more polished version of my former self.  I had so many plans for my life.  I honestly believed work ethic and cut-throat desire was all I needed to achieve my goals.  No one ever told me I couldn't do something.  I never understood the need for a back-up plan. 

When I finally graduated college at the ripe age of 27 (old for a college kid), I just knew I would hook up with the job of my dreams.  I was constantly getting criticized over my degree choice and everyone told me I wouldn't make it.  Commercial Recreation and Tourism Management.  Sounds good, right?  Nothing prepared me for a completely saturated market.  While being interviewed for a position with the NBA I was told, "It's not what you know, it's who you know". 

It took me a few more years of mistakes to realize where I had gone wrong.  Plans don't work.  Nothing is fool-proof.  We can wish, hope and pray till the ends of the earth...but sometimes it's not in the cards. 

My answer at the tender age of 22 was this:
"I'll be working with my rec degree, married with at least two kids.  I'll be able to pay off my student loans and I'll have a house.  I'm smart.  I can make it happen."

10 years later my reality is this:
I've never been married (blessing in disguise).  No kids.  I made a tough decision to move back home after the death of my mother...living with my father, brother and nephew (dog and cat).  I have a car that is falling apart.  Can't afford to buy a house.  My student loans hang over my head on a daily basis.  I couldn't get a job using my rec degree so I went back to school. Earned another degree that makes me less money than I was making before.  Plans don't always work out. 

Now before you nail me for bitching and moaning, hear me out first.  While I have lived through some shit you might see on an after school special, I'm dealing as best I can.  I'm taking the hits and learning from them.  I'm using the negative as fuel to gain the positive things in life that we're all seeking out.  I'm not always happy about my place on this earth, but incessantly striving for success. 

I joke about learning things the hard way.  Every lesson I've ever learned about life has been a result of some type of heartbreak.  Love.  Work.  School.  Every single aspect of my existence has benefited from my poor choices.  That's part of it.  While some people prefer to live life quietly in the shadows, I pride myself on living it aloud.  It's too short to be walking on eggshells.

No one prepares you for this.  As a high school student, I was told "YES YOU CAN!".  All you have to do is want something bad enough and it's yours.  I'm here to tell you, this isn't always true.  Be prepared to adapt and overcome.  Be strong.  Find ways to stay positive in the midst of dissapointment.  You're gonna be ok.  Plans don't always work out.

Monday, December 3, 2012

The Payout

 
 
As I sit here on the verge of what I HOPE isn't the flu, I think back to the first cross race of the season.  I wasn't fully aware of the journey I was getting ready to embark on.  I had no clue how to train properly and no real goals, other than not coming in last.  The past 3 months have made an impact on me that I can't quite put into words.  I'm not the same person I was...and I'll never go back.
 
MSG and Mars Hill put on one hell of a suffer fest.  I've had two weeks off since Louisville and spent most of it working while attempting to stay on top of my training plan.  My initial thought on the race was this: "If I can ride Louisville, I can ride anything".  My coach decided to rip into me as he heard me comparing the two.  "This course will murder you!"  During pre-ride, I understood what he meant.
 
I'd love to see the elevation profile for this course...crazy steep!  I was concerned about my gearing and my lack of bunny hopping skills in the woods, so I opted for the mtb option.  Jamie decided to ride hers and offered to let me use it for the Cat 4 race.  It goes against everything I personally believe in, but I had to think about my series points and how I could have the upper hand.  The mtb was my upper hand. 
 
I took the first (and only) opportunity to pass someone about 2 minutes into the race.  We had a fairly long climb right after the start and my mtb gearing allowed me to motor past her.  I just had to keep her there...and I haven't been good at this all season.  Once I made it through the woods, I had a chance to have a little fun and recover.  The downhill section was SWEEEEEEEET.  I knew I had a chance to lengthen the gap, so I pedaled hard and enjoyed the ride. 
 
My heart rate was through the roof and I had vomit chunks in my throat.  I honestly didn't think I could finish the race and was hoping I would black out so I wouldn't have to.  I will not quit a race voluntarily, but at this point I would have been happy with a mechanical.  The taste of blood in my mouth was forceful and I just knew my head was going to explode...but it didn't.  And the race went on...
 
I managed to keep position and finish with two chicks behind me.  Nothing special by any means, but I did gain series points in my favor.  I'm a sucker for competition.
 
NCCX State Championship was the following day and I had zero expectations.  I was happy the Mars Hill race was behind me and looking forward to a much bigger field in Charlotte.  26 other ladies would be joining me for one of the most enjoyable courses I've raced all year.  Jeff Welch put on one hell of a show!
 
I got a shit start and got pushed out of the front group.  We immediately hit the run-up (which was steep as hell) and I took the inside.  The top was an epic junk show.  Chicks and bikes everywhere.  I threw my wheel out in front of a small group of girls fumbling around and immediately jumped on my bike.  Bug or windshield...it's your choice.
 
The course was a fun, twisty and technical roller coaster ride.  The sand pit was smooth like a baby's butt and I busted right through it.  There's no better feeling than riding the sand pit with people cheering all around.  The woods were tight and the barriers were FAST.  I nearly ate one when I came off the bike a little too hot.  Just ask the leader of the men's Cat 3 how fast the barriers were...haha.

 NCCX Cat 3 Catastrophe
 
I was feeling pretty good considering how hard I raced at Mars Hill, except for the pain in my left leg.  I've been having issues with it blowing up and I'm certain it has to do with my fit.  It's OBVIOUSLY off.  Anyway, I was riding strong until I ate shit.  I came around a fast, off-camber turn and apparently hit a hole.  My rear wheel spun around like a top and I flew over the handlebars, twisting both ankles and taking a shifter to my quad.  I screamed like the lead singer of Gwar.  I just watched all my hard work fly by me like I was sitting still.  Oh, that's right...I WAS sitting still.
 
I shaved 30 seconds off my last lap because I had to bust ass to get my position back.  I played cat-n-mouse for a while and settled in to wait for my big move.  As I climbed out of the woods, I saw my mouse drop her head...done deal.  I stood up, ripped through my gears and took off.  That was the first time I had ever waited patiently to pass someone.  Tactics and training actually pay off.  I finished 16/27.
 
I'm stoked again.  My hard work is starting to shine through and my strength is improving.  I am no longer a "One Lap Wonder".  I can hold threshold for an entire race...what a concept!  Granted, I'm a little ole Cat 4 racer, but I'm getting better every race.  I could actually be good at this. 
 
My non-cyclist friends often make comments about me being this amazing bike racer.  I laugh hysterically because they have no idea.  I think it's sweet they think such great things about my cycling, but I know the truth.  I urge them to check out the truly great athletes and have their minds blown.  I don't ever see myself in the ranks of Katie, Katerina or Georgia, but if I can be better than I was last time....that's winning.